Sunday, July 11, 2004

i really must stop looking up to the sky everytime i have a question... the last thing i need is for the clouds to be sick/tired of my questioning the essence of all things.
I think it is important to state for the record right here... that as of this afternoon [turkish coffee/bicycle design] i have plucked my heart from my chest and stapled it to the wooden shutters of this resonable place ... i cant say exactly why the devil got bored and the monkey went home but i noticed they were gone... and im saving alot of "lunch money" for my forever here. i sang two songs at once today and that never happens .. [you know the one song always wins]and i was almost hit by a solid blonde brick on a bike and the swish of her riding by so close made me notice my exterior and that led to my discovery that i am a man and i am walking this flat earth and my heart is softer than i thought yesterday ... and all that the one song said was "she once had me " and it grabbed me... grabbed me like a friend who is about to tug you out of the way of an oncoming train [ if you were the kind of person who walks around looking at your feet while getting reaquainted with you natural self] and i was certain that this bird had,in fact, flown... and the whole other song [which does not have words so i cannot string "dum tee dumm dumm shhhhhhh oooooh ooooooooooh " the right way for you to REALLY hear it in your chest ] was ringing loud in my chest and i was walking over bridges across old watery veins that somehow have been pumping my own blood. [make note that there were NO vampirical over/undertones to that particular door of perception] you can laugh all you want because you have been mocking doom since you first met it , but i took it in like a stray and fed it till it was strong and independent and could be me at chess [ the other kind] and dont forget that i just got my hands on those stupid berries right before i made this trip.. anyway... the two songs collided into this feeling that is not a song at all ... its like a cross between the smell of baking bread and the knowledge that there is a rabbit somewhere , grateful that you were the kind one when you and jonathan were kids and he got a slingshot. now i may be going out of my expertise [showersinging] when i say this , but this new feeling is what all of advertisement/lemonade/past victories will have to compete with into the next 1023 years... it is the source of my new project.... which reminds me of what this strange kid i met in texas said to me as i left his shop.. " you know, we would get more oxygen if we breathed the sea" and i laughed because i knew the puzzle/solution was so exciting that angry peoples hearts would explode right away and then we can have a go at kicking new stars into the already magic night. i just realised that i am not really telling you what has happened to me in the last two hours , but we aren't exactlyforonce in a "need to know/question the sky" moment so i will just keep it inside for a rainy dark time.i am going to have to end this here right now there is something happening next to me that requires further examination . i smell bread.

Sunday, July 04, 2004

i was consumed by fire [ in my mind] as i pulled every dandelion i saw in the field... i was walking slow but my heart was racing strong enough to push a tide from my pores... i am mad for something, mad at someone... this is exactly what i unwanted... to get caught on a warm almost night , thinking, uninterrupted from my memory...
"you will go away .. i'm sure you will , it will be ok , sure it will im sure it will... and then suddenly we were standing outside of that place we liked and i wouldnt hand you what i made ... i kept it in my hidden in my pocket for a very long time [ time being a string that ties most things ... at least for a little while] until today when i threw it in the thames along with everyone else's litter of the heart....and i knew that everything was trash, so i chucked everything into the river.... the sun was down so i was able to reach it ... i hauled it over to the bridge and rolled it right off the side ... into the river... the moon? that was easy ... i just tempted it with my sailor eyes/heart and when it came close... i tied it to a rock and threw the rock in the river... and that wasn't enough... so i smashed the bridge to pieces and threw them one by one , into the river... i was so annoyed by the empty sky that i shredded it with my fingernails into little tiny pieces and sprinkled them on to the river.. thats right when I was completely disgusted with the landscape... so i threw that into the river... which left only the trash scattered river and me.... the river looked totally ugly so i threw the river in the river and i sat there in the void annoyed with my self. just me... "thats the way its supposed to be ... just me just me just me forever! by myself in this void! " etc... then, out of nowhere a stupid bird came and started singing ....
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